The Lone Wolf Fallacy
In nature, very few animals survive on their own; most often, they live in families, herds, or packs. Yet, there is this idea of “the lone wolf,” of one singular wolf strong enough to fend for itself in the wilderness. This idea bleeds into society, specifically into young men. Young men who may have been wronged, either by their friends or possibly a loved one. So, they decide to have meaningful relationships no longer. Sure, they have “friends,” but they no longer try to form meaningful connections, either because they don’t want to be hurt again or because they think those relationships are a waste of time. This behavior breeds a different kind of man, the “sigma male,” a highly independent and self-reliant man. The opposite of an alpha male, a sigma male, is an internet term used to describe a man who isn’t overly social but is very successful.
This sigma male/lone wolf is often seen as super disciplined, hard-working, and intelligent. I am not saying that any man (or woman) should not be disciplined, hard-working, and intelligent, but it’s essential to understand the balance needed in life. It’s also important to remember that life should not be lived alone. If you are constantly going to sleep at eight in the evening because you have to get up at four in the morning so you can go to the gym for two hours, take an ice bath, and read a whole book before your 9-5, then you might be overdoing it. Being disciplined is good, but if you are a slave to your routine, then you have no room to actually grow.
Routines can be a powerful weapon for helping people succeed, but if they are so rigid that you cannot deviate from them, they are no better than a prison. They must be flexible to allow opportunities for growth and, most importantly, socialization. That is the real issue with a lone wolf; they believe they must live life alone, which is not necessary and also not the way to achieve the most out of life.
Most of those who follow the lone wolf lifestyle often argue that the reason they live a life in the shadows is because they have been hurt too many times. Either stabbed in the back by someone they called friend or by someone who played with their heart. This is undoubtedly the most challenging hump to get over. But you must give people a chance, a chance to hurt you so that you may grow from that pain and an opportunity to grow alongside you. It is better to have three or four close companions than twenty or more people you claim to be friends with—quality over quantity.
Secondly, create a life where you can work on bettering yourself and have a life fulfilled by the company of your companions. Create a routine where you have time to better yourself and schedule time to socialize. You could have times wherein you better yourself with others, whether in a book club, fitness class, or bible study.
Thirdly, enjoy life with others. So, if that means going out on a Friday or Saturday night to hang out with your friends occasionally, then do it. Don’t allow this to become another bad habit, but don’t allow a routine to ruin your social life. So, if going out on one Friday night means you won’t make it to the gym on one Saturday morning, then so be it. Your life will continue, and you should be better off now that you have good memories with your friends.
Finally, find a community of like-minded people who want what’s best for you. That could be a local gym, church, dojo, or school. Whatever or wherever it is, find a good community with which you can grow. Do not isolate yourself from the world; instead, be a part of it and the change necessary to make it better.
